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since recently i wrote him and the previous story in my blog because, i don't know what to do and i still remember him(my first dream). today at noon, 4pm...i went back my college to get my result and also to my acceptant letter from the hotel that i go to training. i saw my friends in the class having their lesson, i felt so happy in came out from my heart, it just like i back to my college life. they also so happy that they are happy to see me back. but i can't stay for more longer, so after i got my letter, then i just walk out the door.
Suddenly i saw him, he looks difference already since i be with him before 2 years ago. and he with his friends outside there, so of course we got greet with each other, but honestly my eyes had stop by to stare at him while he didn't see me; when he saw me my eyes wasn't look at him at all, strange isn't...why my expression so weird. the feeling i can't explain, that i encounter him with no ready for myself. i started lose my mind again that time. my mind, never stop....i hope it will stop one day, ended soon!!!
Tearin up my heart when i with you, and no matter what i do i feel the pain with or without you.
Boy i understand thats why can't be lovers.
They something getting out of our hand, just let it go....
try so hard but still can't win in my heart,
if you wanted me boy let me know.
but boy don't miss understanding, i'm not here to wanting you back.
what i'm gonna tell ya, in the corner of my mind,
we just wasting out of time.
Tearin up my soul, when we apart and i feel it too.....
and no matter what i do, i still feel the pain with or without you.
no matter what i do, i still feel the pain,
with or without you.
NOW, WHAT I KNOW IS
I Never Stop
Do you believe me, all the said and is done,
all the lies,
i very regret now, i am a loser.....
and you shining like a Sun.
Tell me why i can't still be the one.
I will never stop, to stop paining, my heart will keep on bleeding..when just getting your news.
don't you understand, i never stop...
and i know, boy there is no turning back....
say that i'm crazy, and i understand only if this is gone.
even tell my friends, or my close friends...what they had answer me, don't think too much, we never expect will happen since that way, look positive, look forward, well if they don't understand please don't came and ask about this question, i will never stop don't you understand.
no matters what i do, i still feel the pain.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Again
This few day my mine never stop running only in one version, it keep me remind on him(my first).
started daze in every single minute when i sat there.
still remember what he had told me in the message, "wanna hang out"...i wonder why i looking forward on it...and this day will be on next weekend in some other's day in ipoh.
oh my god, i such a fool again...
i just climb up from the river and now i'm gonna to jump down again.
will remind about nauseating memory in that time with him again. >.< what the!! two years ago, when i first came into college that life again, miss that life suddenly. i'm wanna take some time now, wanna think, searching, not waiting. i know if i can heal my wounds and my pain one day, i need an answer's from him. the pain and shadow i never forget it. just an answer, that's all... i know won't happen, so i still will face the truth, the reality...and because of him, i'm know i stronger before since 2009 January, day at 12.00pm noon that we meet. what am i doing..keep on thinking since that day, oh is impossible >.<, leave me alone...
no again anymore!!!!!!
started daze in every single minute when i sat there.
still remember what he had told me in the message, "wanna hang out"...i wonder why i looking forward on it...and this day will be on next weekend in some other's day in ipoh.
oh my god, i such a fool again...
i just climb up from the river and now i'm gonna to jump down again.
will remind about nauseating memory in that time with him again. >.< what the!! two years ago, when i first came into college that life again, miss that life suddenly. i'm wanna take some time now, wanna think, searching, not waiting. i know if i can heal my wounds and my pain one day, i need an answer's from him. the pain and shadow i never forget it. just an answer, that's all... i know won't happen, so i still will face the truth, the reality...and because of him, i'm know i stronger before since 2009 January, day at 12.00pm noon that we meet. what am i doing..keep on thinking since that day, oh is impossible >.<, leave me alone...
no again anymore!!!!!!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Excited for my next challenge
Wow, Today i so happy because since i come from Singapore...i was very tension about the how was my training anyway..i don't wanted to be delay the date. >.<
but today i just got my principle call that telling me the new's although is a bit late i when for training..but on the other hand it is a good start =D yip yeeeeppppp....
First i can meet all my friends a there, my senior..this feeling had gone since i my semester had ended, but it gave me back and it coming soon already...i won't be that bore and alone anymore ^.^
plus i just know my hostel it was a nice place although i not yet see in my own eyes but my senior say so...it was so great...
so i will use this chances to improve myself more and gain more experience, because for my permanent job, i had set for my future already..i will show them what they do is wrong, since before i training at there it was a unhappy experienced...so i will plan to go back again. i won't lose, thats how my feel right now, and i wanted to fulfilled them with my own hand my own experience.
i will so into working right now....it is my very own time to do this already...
yes oh yes, hope can come as soon as possible haha...
(sorry that, readers because when i wrote it here cause i so excited and out of control already)
my plan a had failed then i will got plan b, there always have a plan on it =)
but today i just got my principle call that telling me the new's although is a bit late i when for training..but on the other hand it is a good start =D yip yeeeeppppp....
First i can meet all my friends a there, my senior..this feeling had gone since i my semester had ended, but it gave me back and it coming soon already...i won't be that bore and alone anymore ^.^
plus i just know my hostel it was a nice place although i not yet see in my own eyes but my senior say so...it was so great...
so i will use this chances to improve myself more and gain more experience, because for my permanent job, i had set for my future already..i will show them what they do is wrong, since before i training at there it was a unhappy experienced...so i will plan to go back again. i won't lose, thats how my feel right now, and i wanted to fulfilled them with my own hand my own experience.
i will so into working right now....it is my very own time to do this already...
yes oh yes, hope can come as soon as possible haha...
(sorry that, readers because when i wrote it here cause i so excited and out of control already)
my plan a had failed then i will got plan b, there always have a plan on it =)
Strange feellings
why i say this is my strange feels, this is because he show up in my message since i come back from singapore and he get the news from my college friends. since the day i come back from Singapore. suddenly he had found me in the message, and i feel that he is very happy that i had come back. i remember before i going to Singapore that he also ask me, are you going to Singapore? and i say yes, then he never reply me, for me i sense he feel so disappointed.
but one things happen to me is, he message me that day...i felt so happy it came from my bottom of my heart. he know me already come back so he ask me wanna go hang out some other day, suddenly my heart seem like going back the day i meet him. plus he so automatically, means his movement making so surprise.
on the other hand that, why he show up to find me at the first move, i was try to forget him. i am why my mind keep on thinking about, something like dreaming that will be back again, but i understand that it was no dream but reality. If he still love's me, why he will do to me before, why?
if really,
i hope can be more clearly,
can he try to know me more and i hope i can know him more....
am i think too much, am i doubt too much?
is this is a message?
the foolish of me are trying to love him again...
never be so surprise, just rather sacrifice for you...
if you promise me to protected me for the rest of my life...
i very willing everyday every minute loving you, sweetness, royalty loving you...
would you?
i don't trust about, brave to face the problem, i just wanted to be promise.
hope can know you more...
i wanted is truth love, truth heart, no game in my heart.
the foolish of me and trying to love him again!
~~WAIT~~
why i got this feelings and why i still would wrote all of this...it because i know, i still cannot forget him. i love him so much but yet hated why he make me love him, why i will love him so. it's already 2 years ago, my mine still on him, means my wound still here...my pain still here. now i understand that i just only ignore it not forget it.
BUT...
i will still look forward, because i got my task need to do now. i wish can be fulfill, my work my future...i will focus on working right now.
hope, my friends don't keep asking me about relationship right now, it they are smarter one.
but one things happen to me is, he message me that day...i felt so happy it came from my bottom of my heart. he know me already come back so he ask me wanna go hang out some other day, suddenly my heart seem like going back the day i meet him. plus he so automatically, means his movement making so surprise.
on the other hand that, why he show up to find me at the first move, i was try to forget him. i am why my mind keep on thinking about, something like dreaming that will be back again, but i understand that it was no dream but reality. If he still love's me, why he will do to me before, why?
if really,
i hope can be more clearly,
can he try to know me more and i hope i can know him more....
am i think too much, am i doubt too much?
is this is a message?
the foolish of me are trying to love him again...
never be so surprise, just rather sacrifice for you...
if you promise me to protected me for the rest of my life...
i very willing everyday every minute loving you, sweetness, royalty loving you...
would you?
i don't trust about, brave to face the problem, i just wanted to be promise.
hope can know you more...
i wanted is truth love, truth heart, no game in my heart.
the foolish of me and trying to love him again!
~~WAIT~~
why i got this feelings and why i still would wrote all of this...it because i know, i still cannot forget him. i love him so much but yet hated why he make me love him, why i will love him so. it's already 2 years ago, my mine still on him, means my wound still here...my pain still here. now i understand that i just only ignore it not forget it.
BUT...
i will still look forward, because i got my task need to do now. i wish can be fulfill, my work my future...i will focus on working right now.
hope, my friends don't keep asking me about relationship right now, it they are smarter one.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Disappointed
Though everything will be okay,
though everything will be on the plan.
since training at singapore...
it happen some problem makes me very unhappy..
just wanna speak it out at here that,
DON'T BULLY OR UNDERESTIMATE OF MALAYASIAN!!!
some people maybe will think of benefits of some others country that go to gain their benefits, or some are wanted their citizenship....
but tell you....
maybe those people are really want to...with their reason on them
but sorry, for me i'm not greedy about others country citizenship, all i want is go to travel and learn their cultural that some i never be seen.
travelling still is my plan that i wanted to....
so at the end i choose to go back my country to continue my last training then i will go start with my beginning of my career.
just wanna tell them that i'm not weak, or a coward..it just now not in the good timing...
i will choose to be endure, and will enhance more stronger that i wanted to be...
the "needs" i want is more strong and tough right now.
all my mind is about career...
not career, where got lives, night lives, love and travel...
enjoy your knowledge not to try hard
though everything will be on the plan.
since training at singapore...
it happen some problem makes me very unhappy..
just wanna speak it out at here that,
DON'T BULLY OR UNDERESTIMATE OF MALAYASIAN!!!
some people maybe will think of benefits of some others country that go to gain their benefits, or some are wanted their citizenship....
but tell you....
maybe those people are really want to...with their reason on them
but sorry, for me i'm not greedy about others country citizenship, all i want is go to travel and learn their cultural that some i never be seen.
travelling still is my plan that i wanted to....
so at the end i choose to go back my country to continue my last training then i will go start with my beginning of my career.
just wanna tell them that i'm not weak, or a coward..it just now not in the good timing...
i will choose to be endure, and will enhance more stronger that i wanted to be...
the "needs" i want is more strong and tough right now.
all my mind is about career...
not career, where got lives, night lives, love and travel...
enjoy your knowledge not to try hard
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
training in singapore
since 2 weeks i reach singapore...
i saw a lot of things, that really interested on me...
i like the environment ^^
quite nice....
i got a lot of place, the most famous place of course we all must know, sentosa right =), i spend whole day at there..only can play more than i than though haha...at first i though is very expensive but now i feel it is worth to pay that price.....
vivo city is a nice place, opposite the river you can see sentosa right over there....and you just pay $3 snetosa monorail then you already can go snetosa...but hey, not include the ticket ya....haha
china town, it is the nice place and only i can "see" chinese words in that area...at there anything is made form china..you can buy some nice stuff an there....
marina bay say/sky park, it is the best and famous play in the whole singapore..and it is very successful place at there....hotel, and provide 56 high skypark to see whole singapore
flyer, nearby singapore area...is a big giant wheel in singapore....even now K.L, japan also got one....
orcheard road....shopping heaven..but to tell you the truth...if wanna save money better dont go there...some more those stuff is expensive also in sin dollar..
the most favorite location in my head, is "CLARKE QUAY", lol, you know why...it is the best place for alcohol hahaha XDD....got disco and bar....if wanna go shake your body go ahead, or if just wanna sit there enjoy your beer also you can find at there...
one things is, they got a lot of handsome boy man XXDDDD......
(for guys readers of course not only got handsome boys, but also got pretty and sexy girls ^^ )
bugis streets is the place for you to spend money...everything very cheap, but also is sin dollar lol~~~~~ but very crowded and pack....=.= cannot breath....
and also had try some others country food again ^^
but since i got to training,
2 days i been there...
i know i dont have time to go walking around like that anymore, at 1st my parents not beside me, my friends not always free because they also got working....and me have to wait only have off time then only can rest.... if got O.T i see whole day is only working....go home sleep, wake up work again....this life...although i'm just a trainee at there...but i feel like i'm be use like a real staff....they expect you have to know all the things already... is short period...
oh, well...they say six month at there training is short period but suddenly i felt that is quite a long way to end that lol~~~maybe, my friends now here work with me so feel a bit not habit....but since i work F&B line before..so i may can handle that somehow...plus homesick, miss all my friends at there...
anything is difference, environment is difference of course but for human of course i wanna learn how to survive on them...lucky i tell them i'm just a student go there from training so they might won't think i go steal there position...and i felt that they treat me so friendly o.o hmmm....is that a trap, i guess so...so i rather smile and be quite just go there do my duty thats alright then...keep my nose clean...
but another thing i found out that, my work mate all is malaysian, some is china and Philippians..no wonder they very friendly haha...but never trust them at the first place....
i got another plan after the six month training already... but now happy go lucky then... haha
there will be my area, wanna see me then go there and meet loh...XDDD
i saw a lot of things, that really interested on me...
i like the environment ^^
quite nice....
i got a lot of place, the most famous place of course we all must know, sentosa right =), i spend whole day at there..only can play more than i than though haha...at first i though is very expensive but now i feel it is worth to pay that price.....
vivo city is a nice place, opposite the river you can see sentosa right over there....and you just pay $3 snetosa monorail then you already can go snetosa...but hey, not include the ticket ya....haha
china town, it is the nice place and only i can "see" chinese words in that area...at there anything is made form china..you can buy some nice stuff an there....
marina bay say/sky park, it is the best and famous play in the whole singapore..and it is very successful place at there....hotel, and provide 56 high skypark to see whole singapore
flyer, nearby singapore area...is a big giant wheel in singapore....even now K.L, japan also got one....
orcheard road....shopping heaven..but to tell you the truth...if wanna save money better dont go there...some more those stuff is expensive also in sin dollar..
the most favorite location in my head, is "CLARKE QUAY", lol, you know why...it is the best place for alcohol hahaha XDD....got disco and bar....if wanna go shake your body go ahead, or if just wanna sit there enjoy your beer also you can find at there...
one things is, they got a lot of handsome boy man XXDDDD......
(for guys readers of course not only got handsome boys, but also got pretty and sexy girls ^^ )
bugis streets is the place for you to spend money...everything very cheap, but also is sin dollar lol~~~~~ but very crowded and pack....=.= cannot breath....
and also had try some others country food again ^^
but since i got to training,
2 days i been there...
i know i dont have time to go walking around like that anymore, at 1st my parents not beside me, my friends not always free because they also got working....and me have to wait only have off time then only can rest.... if got O.T i see whole day is only working....go home sleep, wake up work again....this life...although i'm just a trainee at there...but i feel like i'm be use like a real staff....they expect you have to know all the things already... is short period...
oh, well...they say six month at there training is short period but suddenly i felt that is quite a long way to end that lol~~~maybe, my friends now here work with me so feel a bit not habit....but since i work F&B line before..so i may can handle that somehow...plus homesick, miss all my friends at there...
anything is difference, environment is difference of course but for human of course i wanna learn how to survive on them...lucky i tell them i'm just a student go there from training so they might won't think i go steal there position...and i felt that they treat me so friendly o.o hmmm....is that a trap, i guess so...so i rather smile and be quite just go there do my duty thats alright then...keep my nose clean...
but another thing i found out that, my work mate all is malaysian, some is china and Philippians..no wonder they very friendly haha...but never trust them at the first place....
i got another plan after the six month training already... but now happy go lucky then... haha
there will be my area, wanna see me then go there and meet loh...XDDD
Sunday, May 1, 2011
new journey
2 years that finally has pass so soon....
you know why???
college i mean???
i finish my college life, but doesn't mean that i already graduate...
still got training life to go....
6 month
i choose to go Singapore training...
and i very excited to go there....
because i like adventured, new place, new life, new people, new problem need to be face....
this feeling had push in my mind very strong...
so i choose there, beside is the nearest country far from my hometown...
but of course i hope, i can go more a bit further...but this will be my after planning....
i like travel but yet i still have to finish my wished...
but one things i still doubting...whether can really go Singapore to training...
although, i got the call calling from them...but i wished to try...
so more 5 days i will go there and get interview...
but also i got back up....penang...
ya, is one of my country, and tiny state but famous to tourism to visit...
it is a wonderful place at there....sea, shopping center...etc...
and i like sea..haha
i need to plan for my plan b also...if really....
let's see whether the future is....
i can't predicted the future...but only can created my own future...
my dream future there have more...more than i thought...
i wanted to get a highest education, i wanted have a good job, i wanted have to go travel all the worlds, i wanted have my own sport car, i wanted have a friends that i can trust to, i wanted have my love who really love me to...
although it listed seem so few, but when you put one step on it, i really a far far way from it....
but one this is, i'm still young and i will cherish my everything that i wanted to do now...
i'm not afraid to be an independence woman, i not afraid to walk this world alone...
only it could be myself then everything will be good....
my vision in my future is never stay here to be the same...i need more, i hope i can see the world...
not just see through on the movie... geographic channel..haha...i want see in my own eyes not the story from my friends.....
and now i just need to be peaceful, quite, excited, willingness to face my next journey that i wanted to face...
and i already prepare that what i wanted to face to...just let it be...when it's come, face and solve the problem on your own...
i wanted be more strong and more independence woman...
haha....
(hope readers don't laugh the way i thinking now haha)
you know why???
college i mean???
i finish my college life, but doesn't mean that i already graduate...
still got training life to go....
6 month
i choose to go Singapore training...
and i very excited to go there....
because i like adventured, new place, new life, new people, new problem need to be face....
this feeling had push in my mind very strong...
so i choose there, beside is the nearest country far from my hometown...
but of course i hope, i can go more a bit further...but this will be my after planning....
i like travel but yet i still have to finish my wished...
but one things i still doubting...whether can really go Singapore to training...
although, i got the call calling from them...but i wished to try...
so more 5 days i will go there and get interview...
but also i got back up....penang...
ya, is one of my country, and tiny state but famous to tourism to visit...
it is a wonderful place at there....sea, shopping center...etc...
and i like sea..haha
i need to plan for my plan b also...if really....
let's see whether the future is....
i can't predicted the future...but only can created my own future...
my dream future there have more...more than i thought...
i wanted to get a highest education, i wanted have a good job, i wanted have to go travel all the worlds, i wanted have my own sport car, i wanted have a friends that i can trust to, i wanted have my love who really love me to...
although it listed seem so few, but when you put one step on it, i really a far far way from it....
but one this is, i'm still young and i will cherish my everything that i wanted to do now...
i'm not afraid to be an independence woman, i not afraid to walk this world alone...
only it could be myself then everything will be good....
my vision in my future is never stay here to be the same...i need more, i hope i can see the world...
not just see through on the movie... geographic channel..haha...i want see in my own eyes not the story from my friends.....
and now i just need to be peaceful, quite, excited, willingness to face my next journey that i wanted to face...
and i already prepare that what i wanted to face to...just let it be...when it's come, face and solve the problem on your own...
i wanted be more strong and more independence woman...
haha....
(hope readers don't laugh the way i thinking now haha)
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